what goes into being a dj and a Sith Lady my personal story.

condensed version of  part of my story: 
each sith has their own path and their own obstacles. I notice it's a common trait to seek personal power. I was adopted at age 2. I had my fair share of personal trials. I know what it's like to try to kill yourself, yes I'm being dead serious. I don't talk about it for pity, attention, but to say look you're not alone. I held 5 sleeping pills in my hand and hoped I'd just well sleep to never wake up. I told my boss and my parents showed up. I know what it's like to carry pain, trauma, to suffer for it, and to want to well just not be here anymore. 

Something in me is tired but fights. I used to have anger issues and in ways I still struggle. I would feel so angry that I'd hit myself or the wall to avoid hitting others. I wanted to hurt myself more then risk hurting another...in fact I tried to keep it all in for awhile just really trying to control myself. back then I was 8 years old and well my story is unique I guess compared to other sith. 

I later came to the force realist community. Deep down I feel bad for everyone that was around me, because the floodgates of all my trauma came out. I also think the community is toxic and that isn't to blame them. I take accountability for my actions as that's all I can do. I finally walked away and yet still linger here or else I'd have missed out on some helpful chats with some kind sith here....there's others like me who are actually kind. wow that's so cool and honestly it means a lot. 

I almost died. shit changed. I had a vivid dream after fighting for my life refusing to go to the hospital. I was almost raped by a jedi before that and almost died because of him. my child like innocence that was way to trusting died with that death experience. yet my hope for my own drams and goals I fought for. I said I can't die I have to sing and need more time. In the dream I fought for my dreams. My NDE taught me a lot and I am grateful for it. In the moment I felt powerless, weak, and it was hard being unheard. 

My experience helped me help another. I remember myself telling me another would go through this. Turns out I was right and intuitively wanted to pack a drink that helps but when I did not pack it the person who passed out was caught by my brother. I said get them a cool towel and in shade now! Since they couldn't talk I was ready to tend to them the best I could because they couldn't talk, I've been there. I could've done more but they already called the emts. also elevation comes to hand and idk what I see comes true. point is I was there for another who went through it and wanna know who saved me.....a jedi. I am truly in debt to them and am still friends with them.

Wanna know what code helped me.....there is emotion yet peace. I just kept saying that and death changes you. It does something and I feel like I'm on given/borrowed time. I'd have died a peaceful sleep and just not woken up. Anywho I made it my intention to stay focused and move away from being distracted.

It's hard being accused of things. It's hard feeling down stuff. It's hard being the queen of your own reality. It's hard bearing your own weight of your world sometimes yet I learned I can easily do it. I learned your more then your experiences, your emotions, thoughts are just emotions or thoughts yet I am not any of those. The brain is like computer that runs on it's own however it can be harnessed so I can be in more control of what goes on inside. The observer and monkey mind lesson. Slow down, breathe, control, start, stop, change directions at will.

Do the inner work, struggle, realize the dialogue to then find a better one, build a healthy relationship with the self, and focus inwardly on what's going on. Learn it's okay to have it and that I can better myself. I can do this. My neglect and past can be acknowledge, processed yet also dropped because I don't want to keep carrying it all around. I talk about it because I find it to be inspiring and maybe I am volatile then other sith because of my journey. I don't know other siths stories and won't go into who's worse. All I can do is find my path and wear it like a beautiful cloak with my own stories. 

You can feel happier, better with yourself, and feel anything yet also be empowered. You can temper yourself and now I'm seeing myself be like how I saw aetius or the other sith. They so smooth, sleek, sharply refined and gracefully beautiful is how I saw their energy. I saw some of the struggles they still face when I got to know some and now I'm smoothing out too in my own timing. I'm getting where I saw the others but in my own path cause my path isn't theirs. I'm not here to be like any of those guys or compare to them. 

they contributions are theirs and mine are mine. take pride in it and just move on (: I am me and that is okay. I'm a flood of chaos. I found how inspirational I am, that being an instigator is beautiful, that dark things are okay in fact it's beautiful. There is beauty in everything. I have cerepral palsy. I worked on my fitness and learned how to do things in a conducive way. I learned about psychology, the shadow self, and more. I learned about the process and patience. I've picked up so many things and taken them with me because they helped me. I learned it's okay to be selfish and that I can serve myself. 

Life and this experience is many things. Sad, joyous, hopeful, depressing, humbling, challenging, inspiring, mesmerizing, and more. I'm no longer shattered. I'm on my way to wholeness and further integration. My footing is now steady and strong.  Life is peaceful. Life is what life is and how you wish to describe it. I learned how to be my own light and continue to be my best self by doing the work.

The version of me I saw a few years ago is now right in front of me somewhat staring back at me through this screen smiling inside. Some chains in my cave are broken and I will never be re chained because those things no longer bind me. there's a lot more work to be done and my journey is just starting I feel like.

point is stuff happens. life isn't just happiness, it's a myriad of things. can't handle the pressure, then learn how to and build yourself up. If I can do it, so can you. I have gone through great lengths to be where I am at. I begin schooling for a 2 year course and aim to continue my own endevours in breaking into the music industry/entrepreneurship. I walk dogs and have other side hustles for when I'm not making money as an entrepreneur.

I love physical fitness, martial arts, and healing the mind. I am a holistic life coach and somatic movement coach. I was inspired to start my own school after being asked to teach a new martial arts that involved lightsabers that is recognized by the AJI. It's a fully accredited system now and it's growing. I went to one training session, discovered lots about myself, and my vision of me teaching people a few years ago was remembered. 

we walked in the parade of lights last year and was on live tv. that was fun and it's a work in progress. the two year program and earning my black belt is for my own journey but also a business investment. I aim to become a legacy and open up my own ata school someday fusing a system, my own system, and my joy for forging future warriors that can actually protect themselves through my unique approach.

I refuse to be held back by myself. I am the only one in my way. So I have my work cut out and these next few years are for my entrepreneurial development as a healer of the mind, body, spirit, and soul. I am a student and learning myself while hoping to live by example. I am transparent about my struggles and hope it helps others learn it's okay to be open in a conducive way. Sure be careful, use discernment, and be mindful about who you are openly honest with etc yet it's okay to remove the stigma we have about struggling. Remove the mask and discard it.

Good luck newbs. Find your story. Create your own destiny. Never give up....I know it can be hard. See your si moments as opportunities to see what you can live without because at your lowest you learn a lot if you pay attention. life itself is the best teacher. you can know all the knowledge yet fail to apply it, you need to be able to apply it or else you are still lacking. 

This ends my tiny thread about my story for those interested in it. Take it as proof that you can change your life around for the better and go through anything yet come out on top. you got this. may your path be blessed and may the force within serve you well and free you.