Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 10:40:22 GMT -7
Still no touchy
I want one but a husky will have to do. in a few hours I look at a baby husky and a malamute.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 11:26:19 GMT -7
SI has it's benefits. It's a new low. A sense of can't keep living life a certain way. You have two options give up or fix it. I went on a hunt and found a few things. I saw where I was reacting from a place of fear or something within. I remembered a meditation where I felt a sense of someone trying to destroy me. I felt fear then focused on standing in my own power. The fear went away and I just felt a sense of relief.
I have control over my actions. mmm so I'll use this conflict to grow myself internally. excuse me if I fall a few times but I try my damned hardest to get though this. Tis good to be back. *takes a few steps then sits amidst the hyenas and rabbid beasts in the dark*
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VixenV
Sith Disciple
Posts: 947
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Post by VixenV on May 9, 2023 12:15:49 GMT -7
I don't know how to help you. I'm sorry, but there is a better way if you can find the strength to let go and embrace it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 12:20:23 GMT -7
I don't know how to help you. I'm sorry, but there is a better way if you can find the strength to let go and embrace it. You know what people like you can be enlightening to be around because eventually you just loose power over everything. You can't touch me vixen and I'm no longer afraid of you. Have fun being an ass and making people like me stronger. consider yourself not worth the mental real estate, worry, and I forgive you for being a creep. Your just an insecure man who never grew at all in the last 50 years you've been a sith. everything you say to me is but a projection of yourself I'm done taking it personally. hugs. I feel so free right now I'm smiling. *blocks* Attachments:
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 14:55:27 GMT -7
It used to hurt me deeply when people attacked my mental state with false accusations. Here is my personal story that I now take pride in. to sum up 26 years.... adopted. traumatized child. was so angry and didn't like mom. she sent me at age 3 to live with grandparents. age 5 children hospital. testing. blood work. diagnosis then meds at age 5. I grew fat. meds did things to my mind and body. I was the slow fat kid no one wanted. no matter how hard I ran and how hard I tried was overweight. age 8 shipped off to boarding school where I was bullied more. People made calls for me for 22 years. I dreamt about escaping this reality. sometimes my body would shake....just stop functioning. it was really hard and traumatizing to me to experience. I never got to have friends or a social life. my parents were abusive to me.
22 years later age 22 I run away from parents. I was put in a psych evaluation which was embarrassing to be hauled away in public. people stared at me but I was humble with my head up while feeling people were trying to take away my freedom. the psych eval was passed with flying colors and I opened up about things. 1. I want to live my own life. be panxsexual. have friends. 2. fall on my butt and have independance
I got just that and did a lot of adult learning. was in abusive relationships. grew from it. got stronger. I worked part time jobs. I worked full time jobs. went to sithism after running into a jedi at a burning man event. my trauma work began. I used to say you can't silence my emotions etc. I went off meds too and wasn't fat anymore. I struggle with body dysmorphia. im working to let go of that. I pride myself on my fitness. I train in martial arts. I felt energized and for once clear in my life without my meds. they never helped. I got healthier the more I did the inner work. so excuse me if I react from trauma but eventually I'll be not doing that anymore. I got this. there's a lot to my story that I want to share. am I prepared for others to judge me, yes but I don't focus on them or fear it anymore.
I was tested later and none of the things were conclusive the doctor said. my therapist says to test a child at that age is unusual. I want my parents to love me and see me. not this dumbed down girl I used to play as a result of everything. all this grief in my system is being cleared as I say this. it feels good honestly and very cathartic. I am crying in a public space where I do my office work. phew okay I got this.
sithism helped me embrace emotions. then learn temperance. instead of disbelieving in myself I'm discovering/believing in myself. I can do this. I feel behind and robbed of a few things but I get to nurture myself. I get to learn how to drive on my own with my friends and honestly its not hard. I'm proud of myself. I can handle this responsibility. I can do a lot more too. mmm my moral of the story is "You experience don't define you. through learning to process, heal, and do more you can live in the present moment and stop carrying around the baggage. I can take control of my mental real estate.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 15:41:36 GMT -7
My therapist gave me the label or diagnosis ptsd she says for business reasons. She like me is against using those because I see it as a paradigm that can be cured with proper treatment. bam no more ptsd however it has it's benefits too. heh I can get a service animal to help me and it means I get free stay for my dog instead of paying a deposit/monthly rent. go me. the horse lets me hug her and she sends me healing energy. I love animals. it's why I went to look for a shelter doggo.
I just spoke to some fellow sith about stuff regarding a topic and got to talk with another that I'd like to engage with That was nice cause I got some nice input so I like to talk to those I am interested in. if I am not then pfff dun take it personally but I dont see any value in it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 15:56:58 GMT -7
we are learning inwha 1 for our next belt which is confusing to me but oh well. I am training songahm 4 and inwha 1. I share a video later of my forms for my own library to watch the evolution of my stuff. For the competition I ended up free flowing for xma and want to get some nice combos done. so I share a video later.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 17:32:21 GMT -7
Todays workout Warm up then work on forms then staff. 6 plank pushups with a staff movement. I slacked off a bit so wrists hurt. I'll be okay tho and getting back on it. I did some twists with a belt and balancing for my core. it was nice..
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VixenV
Sith Disciple
Posts: 947
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Post by VixenV on May 9, 2023 17:52:22 GMT -7
It used to hurt me deeply when people attacked my mental state with false accusations. Here is my personal story that I now take pride in. to sum up 26 years.... adopted. traumatized child. was so angry and didn't like mom. she sent me at age 3 to live with grandparents. age 5 children hospital. testing. blood work. diagnosis then meds at age 5. I grew fat. meds did things to my mind and body. I was the slow fat kid no one wanted. no matter how hard I ran and how hard I tried was overweight. age 8 shipped off to boarding school where I was bullied more. People made calls for me for 22 years. I dreamt about escaping this reality. sometimes my body would shake....just stop functioning. it was really hard and traumatizing to me to experience. I never got to have friends or a social life. my parents were abusive to me. 22 years later age 22 I run away from parents. I was put in a psych evaluation which was embarrassing to be hauled away in public. people stared at me but I was humble with my head up while feeling people were trying to take away my freedom. the psych eval was passed with flying colors and I opened up about things. 1. I want to live my own life. be panxsexual. have friends. 2. fall on my butt and have independance I got just that and did a lot of adult learning. was in abusive relationships. grew from it. got stronger. I worked part time jobs. I worked full time jobs. went to sithism after running into a jedi at a burning man event. my trauma work began. I used to say you can't silence my emotions etc. I went off meds too and wasn't fat anymore. I struggle with body dysmorphia. im working to let go of that. I pride myself on my fitness. I train in martial arts. I felt energized and for once clear in my life without my meds. they never helped. I got healthier the more I did the inner work. so excuse me if I react from trauma but eventually I'll be not doing that anymore. I got this. there's a lot to my story that I want to share. am I prepared for others to judge me, yes but I don't focus on them or fear it anymore. I was tested later and none of the things were conclusive the doctor said. my therapist says to test a child at that age is unusual. I want my parents to love me and see me. not this dumbed down girl I used to play as a result of everything. all this grief in my system is being cleared as I say this. it feels good honestly and very cathartic. I am crying in a public space where I do my office work. phew okay I got this. sithism helped me embrace emotions. then learn temperance. instead of disbelieving in myself I'm discovering/believing in myself. I can do this. I feel behind and robbed of a few things but I get to nurture myself. I get to learn how to drive on my own with my friends and honestly its not hard. I'm proud of myself. I can handle this responsibility. I can do a lot more too. mmm my moral of the story is "You experience don't define you. through learning to process, heal, and do more you can live in the present moment and stop carrying around the baggage. I can take control of my mental real estate. I'm proud of you. I know you got this. you just need someone to believe in you. that person is yourself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 16:33:16 GMT -7
I hate it when you try to share that you are listening and then the other person says that I am not listening. I care abut my friendships and it's why I was trying to let them know that I was listening. Fine you are not my friend anymore though cause I end up feeling worse about myself so fuck you. I always focus on my own actions but feel silenced when it comes to voicing others actions. good riddance relationships or friendships I don't need. I am sooo done. Not my issue you never saw that I don't spend time focusing on my actions. I never really talk about others actions but feel bad or evaluate my own all the damn time. I don't want to be combative or interrupt you nor rebuttal....tf man. Bye. I think I'm done being friends with jedi. I feel sad, hurt, and bummed out to not be friends anymore but I also can't continue to take this crap. The projections they aren't me. I learn that friends wouldn't 't talk to you a certain way that this individual did. Walk away before it gets toxic. If you did not walk away it gets toxic. Some people are worth giving up on and not ever returning. I feel bummed out and disappointment. Oh well. Harlequins aren't meant to serve....they are meant to grow and rise into their own power. Sometimes I feel like Harley and did this one podcast about a few things. Why do I mourn the toxic person? Why do I feel like it's my fault when in reality I just didn't deal with certain behaviurs. Yes I left people. They made it sound like making choices for me is a bad thing or a bad response. *facepalms* www.facebook.com/reel/629157845209482/?s=single_unit
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 17:01:14 GMT -7
Positive news my dream to meet team USA athletes is coming true and I'm training with them. For working out I am adding more to my cardio with foot stance drills and combos to help me increase stamina.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 19:51:38 GMT -7
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 20:22:33 GMT -7
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 20:23:31 GMT -7
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 23:57:55 GMT -7
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 0:02:26 GMT -7
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 0:09:21 GMT -7
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 0:10:31 GMT -7
omg can I have one.....pffff
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 0:19:03 GMT -7
omg I love it
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 0:33:54 GMT -7
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