VixenV
Sith Disciple
Posts: 947
|
Post by VixenV on May 8, 2023 16:15:53 GMT -7
Kurai, you know you are just as guilty of these crimes as you accuse others. let it go my friend. it doesn't matter.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2023 19:40:27 GMT -7
Kurai, you know you are just as guilty of these crimes as you accuse others. let it go my friend. it doesn't matter. I have asked more then once for you to just stop talking to me and leave me alone. I said don't comment and you just work on yourself and I'll work on myself. I hope your training goes well with Raven on "the way of the peaceful warrior." LEAVE ME ALONE!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2023 19:50:11 GMT -7
I had my first emdr session experience and it was amazing. After that I went to the shelter to look for an animal companion and then hung with my lease horse. She is so amazing and I love this girl so much. It feels amazing to reconnect with these amazing animals after my first horse passed away. It's been years and now I feel ready to reconnect with a truly amazing soul. She challenges me and brings me to a place of further leadership plus communication. She is a barrel racing horse and I'm going to try something new. I like learning new skills and last time at a burn I learned how to skateboard. I did it too. I go back to visit two animals and this one cat chose me. She is so precious and sweet. I may adopt her then a dog later. We will see and stoked to have an animal companion to snuggle with instead of be alone. This is a picture of the beautiful mare. We did some down under horsemanship work and Clinton Anderson is amazing. Attachments:
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2023 19:54:02 GMT -7
The easy, fast & fun way to learn how to sing: 30DaySinger.com
Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Gaga
Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Gaga
When he calls to me, I am ready I'll wash his feet with my hair if he needs Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain Even after three times he betrays me
Ahh-oh, ahh-oh, I'll bring him down, bring him down, down Ahh-oh, ahh-oh, a king with no crown, king with no crown
I'm just a Holy Fool Oh, baby, it's so cruel But I'm still in love with Judas, baby I'm just a Holy Fool Oh, baby, it's so cruel But I'm still in love with Judas, baby
Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Gaga
I couldn't love a man so purely Even prophets forgave his goofy way I've learned love is like a brick, you can Build a house or sink a dead body
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2023 19:56:52 GMT -7
The easy, fast & fun way to learn how to sing: 30DaySinger.com Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Gaga Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Gaga When he calls to me, I am ready I'll wash his feet with my hair if he needs Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain Even after three times he betrays me Ahh-oh, ahh-oh, I'll bring him down, bring him down, down Ahh-oh, ahh-oh, a king with no crown, king with no crown I'm just a Holy Fool Oh, baby, it's so cruel But I'm still in love with Judas, baby I'm just a Holy Fool Oh, baby, it's so cruel But I'm still in love with Judas, baby Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Whoa, I'm in love with Juda-ah-as, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Juda-ah-as Judas, Juda-ah-as, Judas, Gaga I couldn't love a man so purely Even prophets forgave his goofy way I've learned love is like a brick, you can Build a house or sink a dead body "Treachery is everywhere" -Draconis Where am I deceiving myself and where am I being treacherous towards myself? What needs to be broken down further? I chose the name Judas cause it's cool and I like how judas betrayed the Jesus paradigm. Only you can save yourself. The story of the villain has its points of truth. If you don't take it for face value you see hidden truths in the Bible that point to spiritual enlightenment. I like understanding the creation of the paradigm and the benefits of it all. Anywho betray yourself and let the world burn if needed. Destroy shit yet do it constructively and free yourself. Re emerge 10 times stronger and embrace the Judas force.
|
|
VixenV
Sith Disciple
Posts: 947
|
Post by VixenV on May 8, 2023 23:00:20 GMT -7
Kurai, you know you are just as guilty of these crimes as you accuse others. let it go my friend. it doesn't matter. I have asked more then once for you to just stop talking to me and leave me alone. I said don't comment and you just work on yourself and I'll work on myself. I hope your training goes well with Raven on "the way of the peaceful warrior." LEAVE ME ALONE! You dont want to be left alone. You're in pain. That's why you keep coming back here and to other places looking for connection. I'm sorry for you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2023 23:02:00 GMT -7
I have asked more then once for you to just stop talking to me and leave me alone. I said don't comment and you just work on yourself and I'll work on myself. I hope your training goes well with Raven on "the way of the peaceful warrior." LEAVE ME ALONE! You dont want to be left alone. You're in pain. That's why you keep coming back here and to other places looking for connection. I'm sorry for you. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! STOP COMMENTING!!!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2023 23:02:39 GMT -7
Stop bothering me. I don't want to connect with you psycho! I keep leaving because you keep abusing me.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2023 23:34:29 GMT -7
I have two layers. Armor. Nothing bothers me. tough girl. Under that yeah it fucking bothers me. You never know what someone else is going through and for me I am working to be a conducive member amidst other sith who are working on themselves. Hazing, cyberbullying, and abuse is all I've seen in this aspect and then it creates a cycle that ends up leaving you feeling like you have no right to even feel. People say go get counseling but don't seem to really get it, the fact that they are the ones driving me down a place. They are the ones hurting me. To feel intense. emotion then....nothing. Quiet but dissonant. Everyone has their limits...that isn't weakness. Being bothered isn't weakness. I'm tired of just walking away because "it's the right thing to do." it does nothing but I also don't feel like I can do much. No matter what I do I'm stuck. I don't like feeling trapped though.
I used to feel good opening up but now people just say things that do hurt me to where I feel conflict about opening up. Somehow I still end up doing it though and idk I'm tired of feeling alone. I try not to ask for help from external things and fight my own battles...that is the proper saying I think but damn sometimes I wish sith had an admin who could help me. I wish I could experience the past academies but maybe they were worse. Maybe there is no one else like me and maybe I'm so different that idk I'm all alone. I feel odd when I ask for help and I feel like I'll just irk everyone when I do so because it "brings them into my stuff." but if I ask for help from an admin it's okay....no cause sith are monsters so there is no help? Am I expecting how I run things to carry over here? Sith don't care. They just like to abuse anyway so why the fuck did I even decide to go to to the thought of asking for help from an admin.
Nothing will happen. I'll be kicked for making a fuss like in past. it's oots all over again and I'm the girl who can't "be respectful." and feel like a failure all over again when in reality I was fucking bullied. it's just the same here. anyone can go as far as they want and there are no rules here.....great. but don't fucking complain or be offended when I say shit that incriminates me. Dun be mad at me when I break. I'll try hard not too as usual but I can't take much more. I stand on a edge sometime and want to turn this rage at others to myself. I hit myself. I feel a mix of emotions. I am not going to apologize anymore for anything. Deal with it jedi....just fucking deal with it. I am done apologizing to you jfed. fuck all of you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 7:04:45 GMT -7
"A competent Master will not drive away all but the best, at least not without providing the weak with initial opportunities to become strong. In this, the flaws serve students, forcing them to take what they have and work through its contradictions, shortcomings, and deceptions through their own application and experiences. This process in and of itself begins the process of culling the weak from would-be adepts. They aspirant will attempt to put it to use, fail, be confronted with the price of practice, and they will either turn away, deciding that the way of the dark is flawed… or they will stay with it, growing and evolving. Budding, unfurling. Becoming." -Draconis Lecture I found this from a link and don't feel like sharing.
I'm curious to see what it was like what what knowledge was available. I like the history and I think it's really cool. This reminds me of myself. I woke up today feeling just blegh and examining what's happening inside.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 7:13:29 GMT -7
A Method Of Discovering & Strengthening Oneself
The people that find their way to the Force Academy and make the choice to embrace their resonance with darkness fulfill the role of a student. Regardless of solitary experience or lack thereof, the power – whether in mind, body, or spirit – an individual might command or submit to, newcomers here are students. Whatever they are looking for here, it is effective to first turn ones gaze inward, and then to tear down the walls, opening up to others here, using them as a part of the process.
Erecting walls, fortifying oneself against things that might be dangerous, repulsive, terrifying, or uncomfortable… forging means of safety and comfort inhibits the individual from realizing dreams, fulfilling desire. For them, the instruments are inhibitions and impediments, instruments of safety. The student most often uses them to seek safe harbor, peace, despite the consequences, the stunted growth. At this stage, hiding behind shields and masks is nothing short of self-sabotage. The tact advised? Drop them.-Draconis
Dropping this here to respond to later. Tis to fucking early grrrr someone woke me the f up at 6 fucking am in the morning. I am not a morning person. *looks around defensively*
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 7:21:23 GMT -7
I have two layers. Armor. Nothing bothers me. tough girl. Under that yeah it fucking bothers me. You never know what someone else is going through and for me I am working to be a conducive member amidst other sith who are working on themselves. Hazing, cyberbullying, and abuse is all I've seen in this aspect and then it creates a cycle that ends up leaving you feeling like you have no right to even feel. People say go get counseling but don't seem to really get it, the fact that they are the ones driving me down a place. They are the ones hurting me. To feel intense. emotion then....nothing. Quiet but dissonant. Everyone has their limits...that isn't weakness. Being bothered isn't weakness. I'm tired of just walking away because "it's the right thing to do." it does nothing but I also don't feel like I can do much. No matter what I do I'm stuck. I don't like feeling trapped though. I used to feel good opening up but now people just say things that do hurt me to where I feel conflict about opening up. Somehow I still end up doing it though and idk I'm tired of feeling alone. I try not to ask for help from external things and fight my own battles...that is the proper saying I think but damn sometimes I wish sith had an admin who could help me. I wish I could experience the past academies but maybe they were worse. Maybe there is no one else like me and maybe I'm so different that idk I'm all alone. I feel odd when I ask for help and I feel like I'll just irk everyone when I do so because it "brings them into my stuff." but if I ask for help from an admin it's okay....no cause sith are monsters so there is no help? Am I expecting how I run things to carry over here? Sith don't care. They just like to abuse anyway so why the fuck did I even decide to go to to the thought of asking for help from an admin. Nothing will happen. I'll be kicked for making a fuss like in past. it's oots all over again and I'm the girl who can't "be respectful." and feel like a failure all over again when in reality I was fucking bullied. it's just the same here. anyone can go as far as they want and there are no rules here.....great. but don't fucking complain or be offended when I say shit that incriminates me. Dun be mad at me when I break. I'll try hard not too as usual but I can't take much more. I stand on a edge sometime and want to turn this rage at others to myself. I hit myself. I feel a mix of emotions. I am not going to apologize anymore for anything. Deal with it jedi....just fucking deal with it. I am done apologizing to you jfed. fuck all of you. Granted I process my emotions and cry away where people can't see it. I do inner work to tame my daemons. sometimes one gets out and gets in the drivers seat. I hate myself for it but also see where the limits are. whether they can be expanded or not vs. what isn't willing to be expanded cause I am not compromising on some stuff.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 7:36:46 GMT -7
“I personaly have based the majority of my whole body of work around conflict. It is a sacred process for me. I find it similar to a source of meditation, a path to gnosis. It is where I find my center, the eye of the storm so to speak.” ~Khaos
Sometimes I'd be practicing a kata and use my emotions as fuel. Now I don't and yet when I first started I worked out for over 8 hours. It's how I felt calm but later changed it to being okay with being still. I can find calmness in the center of my inner chaos through a myriad of processes. If my hackles raise energetically (I see myself as a wolf energy) and I lunge forward I've reacted vs. felt it and stayed in my center. I look over my shoulder for a second to my timeline. I was cringy but also motivated. Mmm my life change and I feel passionate. I feel happier on that part of things. The code helped me remember the little girl who had dreams of performing on stage. Who wanted to wear a dress or sparkly something. *shudders a little and scrunches up nose* belgh a dress it's so girly. Now I wanna wear a leather cat suit with actual claws cause meh. Or maybe combine the two but meh just meh. I detest that but also I stop hating on myself/inner child. eh that's beautiful inner child. we can do that and we will wear a crown. Maybe I can come down on a swing and fly. We will find the perfect dress.
*gulps in fear* yeah I won't hide or shun you....I got this. fear. hurt. sad. detestment. lip curled. where do that come from? why the layers and why the resistance? why the fear of men. why am I kinda a tom boy? why do I want my hips slimmer and want to be skinny. Why do I want my four pack and pure muscle on my arms? I feel beautiful but also deadly lethal. I walk in to places just being my normal self and you know what the first thing people say to me is "I could kick their asses." and while that is true because I'm not giving someone another chance to hurt me I don't know why people approach me just to say that.
I also like how it shows and people leave me the fuck alone.This image became useful. I also find solace in it. I'd rather be seen as a wild wolf women vs. a soft delicate weak soft heap of flesh. I like causing pain to others in martial arts and like receiving it. I like learning how to snap things and break things. you either want it or you don't. I used to be very jedi like now I'm forward. I press my opponent to get them to move and control the space. I'd rather get them then they get me. Yet what is the weakness in this? where is the Judas (self betrayal and deception) becuase when I meditated you know who popped up in my meditation with resistance? Judas Iscariot.
Is this power? How am I misusing this? I go on a hunt for deception and weakness.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 7:43:18 GMT -7
Passion, like power, is a defining point of all life, from one-cell organisms to humans. So naturally, conflict cannot be avoided by the living. Most people only take not of the vulgar examples, outright violence, malice, and other material manifestations. But it’s only a matter of awareness. Within you is all the passion in the world, a universe of it, and so too with every other individual. Like the air you breath, it’s there, even if you don’t acknowledge it. You’re enthralled in it even if your ignorant of its presence.
Immersion in conflict, thriving on pain, being actively engaged with my emotions and with others, stryfe… these are all a part of who I am, and they’re not aspects I’m dissatisfied with or ashamed of. I’m at my best when I have to struggle, when I have to work through pain, when I have to fight. It’s me. If I have to shift my focus towards breaking chains as opposed to focusing on what I’m fighting for sometimes, then so be it. If I have to shift again, I will. Back and forth. If that’s what it takes to move forward, if that’s who I am, that’s me.-Bellum Infinitus
doesn't say who wrote it. sorry. but yeah credit goes to whoever wrote that one.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 7:51:06 GMT -7
The Introduction Thousand Foot Krutch Welcome You have activated all our systems Deactivation is not an option You must find the truth Remember, not everything is what it seems If you don't stand for something, you might fall for anything The end is where we begin The end is where we begin Written by: Trevor Mcnevan, Joel Bruyere, Steve Augustine Album: End Is Where We Begin Released: 2012
hmmm just found this. I like it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 7:52:19 GMT -7
Why the fuck did I ask for a private journal but then start posting publicly. *facepalms* during an apprenticeship? odd. defense layer and acting on it? tired of being vulnerable to where others can abuse me. exploitation isn't how I learn but this is the way of the sith...? so one learns to adapt to new ways of being taught? what is the method or strategy? what is the benefit of it? it's harder cause then I get angry/vengeful at those. the lesson is more traumatizing. then it requires a whole new level of temperance.
Why not just speak kindly? Talk like a fucking human to another freacking human? I guess the world isn't always nice....but idk. you risk making enemies then being smart. sure while no one is entitled to help isn't it on the smartest ones to have a sense of responsibility to the group? or this aspect? aren't they the ones who get it? don't we want to make great sith and keep the institution product at the best of the best. so doesn't that involve patience? a certain level of tact or am I just coocooa for Cocoa Puffs.
Where do I lack tact?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 9:26:00 GMT -7
I feel ahead of the time. I'm out of place. Drifting here with ideas that are beyond the human race. Conflict. Selfish. Alienation. Feel estranged.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 10:17:00 GMT -7
hehe..hehh hehhhh still focus on something funny but speaking of aniken his insecurity lead to his downfall. he lost everything instead of building up everything.
M3GAN - Titanium || Movie Clip FHD 60FPS
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 10:18:25 GMT -7
hehe..hehh hehhhh still focus on something funny but speaking of aniken his insecurity lead to his downfall. he lost everything instead of building up everything. M3GAN - Titanium || Movie Clip FHD 60FPS My insecurity and own stuff leads me to see myself in Megan minus the killing part but yeah.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2023 10:37:04 GMT -7
omg yes #relationshipgoals
|
|