Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2023 15:38:53 GMT -7
is this healthy? how does it serve me or does it not? is it aligned with my goals in life?
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VixenV
Sith Disciple
Posts: 947
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Post by VixenV on Mar 6, 2023 17:15:04 GMT -7
omg I can't even read your rants anymore. fucking plug that bleeding gash of a sewer both above and below. you are a thief, a common criminal and a whore that will lie with anyone that brings you a light saber.... that is until you are faced with real life... then you run, you accuse and you deflect blame. you are a coward and one of the most ineffective people I have ever encountered. it's so bad even the fringe among the Sith like scorn and I laugh at you... your pathetic. BTW how's that gestalt program I gave you money for going? oh that's right you fucking never started that either.... fucking loser.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2023 17:45:18 GMT -7
just got off a call with a colleague and we were speaking about my goals. Just filled up the envelopes today and have to deposit it in my account. I start gestalt in a few months and feeling accomplished with my discipline. I'm stoked to train with horses and help others heal. I did some liberty work with a friends horse. Each month I put 300 dollars in for the program and it means monthly I am saving up for my goal. The only expense I have is food, dues to ata, and classes for a 2 year program. I don't have a lot of other time to do much and staying focused. I will be going afk for a bit to experience life more and do some other stuffs.
I'm so close and as it grows closer I'm feeling excited to meet all these cool people. The envelop system is a great way to budget and save up.
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VixenV
Sith Disciple
Posts: 947
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Post by VixenV on Mar 6, 2023 17:56:47 GMT -7
yea the budget I provided you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2023 16:37:12 GMT -7
Kurai's Creative XMA Qi Qong ATA Fusion form. My teacher inspired me to put some of the Shaolin stuff I learned to use and combine both. I cannot do stuff in the other school due to our rules that we don't use them in competitions. Shaolin stuff I can do some of what I was taught so I'm feeling good now that I've gotten things done. walk bow. 1.qi qong move. 2..double outer form block. 3.step side kick. 4. mid punch. 5. front jump kick. 6. shaolin punch technique 7. rise to metal stance. hold for 5 wu posture. 8. chamber for front kick hold 3 kick three then to side kick pivot heel hold 3 then kick to stomach then chest. land roundhouse then front roll .9. front roll to crouched stance. 10. shaolin hammer fist on twi angle. 11. spiral in then spiral out. 12. jump round house kick 13. knifehand backfist combo both sides 14. forward roll to crouched stance. 15. rise up walk up bow walk out. note: practice timing soundcloud.com/tauriel-rhyvvenbane/ata-xma-creative-form-song?si=75618403e0f24b9296cd275472b2ce04&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharingI made my own song. We have 2 minutes and double checking with teacher to ensure I'm fully prepared. xma...maybe add in a cartwheel somewhere. #macaco learning this one and seeing if I can add it in. videos for reference to focus on learning these then add them somewhere pending on time. 2 min. cannot go over 2 min.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2023 0:38:23 GMT -7
I aim for 1st place in forms and weapons.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2023 0:41:30 GMT -7
become a world champion and place high. Then go to olympics. Prove that athletes with cerebral palsy can make it. I never let it be a limit. just finished a movie called swimmers and it was inspiring. it brought tears to my eyes. I watched a few YouTube vids on ata athletes who are olympians. it's inspiring and fuels me. I want to dominate, inspire myself and others.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2023 13:17:40 GMT -7
Happy International women's day!
Shout out to all the other women out there, today is a special day as we honor ourselves and all those who have advocated for women rights.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2023 22:10:07 GMT -7
said goodbye to the jedi aspect and that side of the community. here isn't much better and it's more of a solitary thing for me. conflict is encouraged here...but I only go into it to confront something if it suits me. people will hate me for it...I don't mind it. I want to stand up for myself and as I said here I'm here for me vs. trying to worry or impress others. I do me. I am welcome to come and go as I please/deem fit.
there are some who wish to burn me I sense but I don't really care. I ignore their accusations and move on. sith are treacherous. since I'm not on a righteous high horse anymore trying to also be a jedi it doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to break the law but if others wish to then that's on them. not my circus not my monkeys. I think if one goes to far it's a negative thing as people are watching for good examples of sith.
my moral code is self help myself. grow. live life of passion. if I want to help others then do it. live life to it's fullest. invest in resources that help me. live my time wisely yet also step away from taking it all too seriously. people will appreciate me for me or they won't. if people don't want to work with me it's fine. it'd be selfish of me to think otherwise and it's what is best for the aspect as a whole. who is worthy enough to lead and who is doing the work. who is a good example, I don't want to lead but if others wish to or I offer to work with others then fine. if going to another is better then great do what is best for them. it's not about me, it's about the students and others needs.
my take is self help, self healing, self empowerment, holistic wellness, etc. I do some esoteric stuff but also step outside of that. look at things through a materialistic viewpoint. go way farther and realize spheres of consciousness or awareness. it'll pop the bubble on a few things but it's a helpful pop as our mental beliefs aka living chains can still be limiting chains. is it helpful? is it healthy? how does it serve you? every action I take serves me and while I hope draconis can pick me back up I also understand if he won't. no need to worry, force, think about it. it's important for me to be true to myself. this is my viewpoint.
goodbye jediism. I am no jedi. I am no sith. I am nothing but everything. I am of my own making. may it be a happy place for me to live and a space that serves me. as I stare at myself and tap my fingers to my collarbone I feel a shedding. I feel a lot of tings release and I feel lighter in my body. the energy that once swirled is now still. I am me and whatever me is I am what I am. I'm okay with that. I am omnipresent. none of it exists except what we bring into existence. *stares as her viewpoint dies then shifts* the loss then the adapting to something new. unchartered waters. I'm so far out there....I owe it to David. thank you David.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2023 22:32:02 GMT -7
is worthiness defined by what others think? Is merit based on others opinions? I think that I am a good leader in my personal life because I've helped people. I don't really seek to convince others or force others to follow me but if they want then great. *shrugs* I'm indifferent. to me it isn't. I felt a call to rise but now I don't see much coming out of it for now. there are other leaders who can inspire online. they are more outgoing but I'm not. I stick to my boundaries and am picky with quality over quantity. they have a grace period then I push them realistically to cut the bullshit n get shit done. I prune lurkers and those who don't do the work....why be in my space if your not going to learn or do the work. posturing don't matter to me. I know this is what makes me, me but anyways seek to measure your worth by what physical victories you have. judge your philosophy and be honest to name the weaknesses in it.
be honest and accountable. when you've messed up and failed learn from it. adapt. learn. adjust. overcome on your terms within your set of morals. hopefully they are legal but hey that's for me at least. look within and find your worth/merit/expectations and whether or not your able to set an example. I feel called to rise so I did. I don't regret it. my kindness is strength and my your not doing the work either do it or leave mentality is a boundary to protect my time. I shun those who take only and waste my time. I value those who have something to offer. I cherish those who add to my time. stand tall in who you are. be humble. be you. I don't need to hear it from someone whether or not I'm worthy. i know my value, merit, and more. I will walk away from disrespectful people and who knows nothing special may arise out of here but we will see.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2023 21:17:33 GMT -7
sometime this week I broke my first board using the palm heel on both sides. I feel accomplished. I'm in leadership now and stoked to go to my first xma class where I get to work on my form for the comp with someone else; I want wisdom and advice. so I'm stoked to have acess to that now.
I tried a sparring class. I got 2 points and he didn't get any on me. the whole bouncing around is exhausting and different but nothing some extra cardio can't fix. I'm going to come up with some movement progressions to increase my timing with some chambers too.
thinking my kicks, weakness, strengths. training on my combos. I evaluated my opponent first then used their weaknesses against them. stoked to go in with an intent to get the other person before they get me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2023 22:42:38 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2023 13:50:01 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2023 16:50:32 GMT -7
White whales and why it's pointless to destroy it. If people follow it, then they are deranged too and cannot be saved. You cannot save or help everyone. There's only so much foxes you can give. Those who seek to destroy others will destroy themselves which is why I'm not on anyone's site trying to bring it down. It's a pointless conflict and it cannot be won. Cancer spreads and is hard to kill off. Eventually they may fall or rise. who cares, be mindful of how much power your giving people. Let em do their thang and do yours.
Break the generational chains. Discover something smoother, refined, and hone the self. I like these remixes of these songs. For my next creative exercise I'm going to make my own remix for fun.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2023 13:32:27 GMT -7
Don't promise anything. Leave or Come at your own pleasure. Why do I come back? mmm I see it as a fun place to leave behind things and express myself. No need for introductions because everyone knows who I am. I will be dissecting some personal things later that I've been working through.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2023 13:36:18 GMT -7
Discipline your emotions or they will consume you. I fear losing my freedom. I feel losing my sense of independence. I feel nervous but also so free to say that...out loud. In past people have controlled things in my life. Now I'm in control but I fear another losing or taking that away from me. Forcing me to live a life that isn't mind. So there's trauma, emotion, and things that I work through.
While I don't support this place or like it I will use it since it's here. I don't expect draconis to show up to do what is needed so I just move on past even giving that mental real estate that he would. I'd have better things to do then prune my server anyways. Focus on my ikigai. find the enso and embody it. does it matter what others do? can one disagree and be around yet not respond? yes..I know it to be better to walk away and choose one's battles wisely. The first step is taking self accountability and growing from it. See how badly one can do it and it isn't about how many times one falls but rises to the occasion. My story is mine alone and I wear it like a cloak of many colors.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2023 13:42:53 GMT -7
I used to question if I am to lead and how to get followers. Due to my knowledge of marketing one must have something to sell that is up for consumers to consume. yet here that doesn't really apply because sithism is about the individualist. it's a unique thing and there is a pack mentality that is comprised of individuals with similarities. Some travel alone but sometimes have conversations that help others. So in a way you play a part of growth but I realize now I don't need to lead. That mentality is meh and I'm done worrying about that. I am me. I've recognized myself and I've been formally recognized by two. I don't need that but desired it. I got it but only after I recognized that within myself. -end What am I doing in my life? Training in martial arts. I am a state champ and proud of myself for somehow managing to place at the end of the competition season. I passed my test. I learned how powerful my kicks are and didn't use to think they were powerful. I passed my belt test and am one step closer to getting a real black belt. My very own blackbelt....I feel so excited and my fitness is increasing. I even got some points on a partner when sparring and I enjoy it so much. I feel elated and compete again soon. I got an e bike for my birthday and been using that. E bikes are fun and driving practice is still going well. I am teaching dj 101 workshops at some more events. edit: There's a picture of me. I have no gear and have to get some. That's me with the yellow belt and am a camo belt now. I was surprised by my forwardness, power, and tried a new kick to the persons head. I connected one time but then fell and will work on that. I feel ready to move forward and analyze their movements. I try to get all the points first and as fast as possible. Attachments:
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2023 14:08:04 GMT -7
Discipline your emotions or they will consume you. I fear losing my freedom. I feel losing my sense of independence. I feel nervous but also so free to say that...out loud. In past people have controlled things in my life. Now I'm in control but I fear another losing or taking that away from me. Forcing me to live a life that isn't mind. So there's trauma, emotion, and things that I work through. While I don't support this place or like it I will use it since it's here. I don't expect draconis to show up to do what is needed so I just move on past even giving that mental real estate that he would. I'd have better things to do then prune my server anyways. Focus on my ikigai. find the enso and embody it. does it matter what others do? can one disagree and be around yet not respond? yes..I know it to be better to walk away and choose one's battles wisely. The first step is taking self accountability and growing from it. See how badly one can do it and it isn't about how many times one falls but rises to the occasion. My story is mine alone and I wear it like a cloak of many colors. I realize no one can hurt me here and my mistakes are behind me. Even if someone tried no one has a solid leg to stand on. It takes two to tango and all I can do is know my limits. Then walk away before it gets bleh. Poof.
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Post by deleted on May 7, 2023 22:42:22 GMT -7
Discipline your emotions or they will consume you. I fear losing my freedom. I feel losing my sense of independence. I feel nervous but also so free to say that...out loud. In past people have controlled things in my life. Now I'm in control but I fear another losing or taking that away from me. Forcing me to live a life that isn't mind. So there's trauma, emotion, and things that I work through. While I don't support this place or like it I will use it since it's here. I don't expect draconis to show up to do what is needed so I just move on past even giving that mental real estate that he would. I'd have better things to do then prune my server anyways. Focus on my ikigai. find the enso and embody it. does it matter what others do? can one disagree and be around yet not respond? yes..I know it to be better to walk away and choose one's battles wisely. The first step is taking self accountability and growing from it. See how badly one can do it and it isn't about how many times one falls but rises to the occasion. My story is mine alone and I wear it like a cloak of many colors. I realize no one can hurt me here and my mistakes are behind me. Even if someone tried no one has a solid leg to stand on. It takes two to tango and all I can do is know my limits. Then walk away before it gets bleh. Poof. Back to marketing, everywhere else except this community things are picking up nicely. So that says a lot to me and instead of taking it internally like I used to do then wondering what is wrong with me, I don't do that anymore. Even the new da at fa won't go that far because it's ran by the wrong people. But the whole community is full of shit so I'm just mad at myself for wasting 3 years of my life. I'm healing from everything and moving on. Everything I've said in anger was for a reason and it's a two way street. If everyone pulled up the records from discord they'd see everything on BOTH sides so it's WHY I DON"T WORRY but also it's my responsibility to walk away form toxic places. it's my own damn fault if I'm knocked down again and have no right playing the victim. It's my duty to myself to walk away from places that I know aren't healthy for me. My message is, if it don't work in one place don't worry about it.
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Post by deleted on May 7, 2023 23:34:01 GMT -7
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