Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2021 0:59:39 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2021 15:41:20 GMT -7
Revan Chronicles:
tory line: fallen jedi becomes sith. one day she a meets a knight and the two start training together. together she sheds her Jedi ways and steps into the light instead of fighting with her own self defeat demons. the light within heals her lost and broken spirit. she is able to atone for her past shakey experiences with her ex jedi master and becomes what she is meant to be. intro: fallen jedi meets Sith in the forest. they battle it out and he sees straight through her. he sees her pain and agony. who she used to be and what she will be. he disengages his saber and opens his arms knowing she cannot kill him. she roars and runs towards him leaping into the air. the jedi knight keeps his eyes open staring at her with love. the siths eyes narrow and widen as she is close to impact. she lands her saber hovering few centimetres from the knights face. standing there unable to move she screams in his face and pants heavily. her hand starts to shake and while looking in his eyes she sees herself. "noo!" she takes a few steps back and drops her saber which turns off. falling to her knees she screams again tears streaming down her face. the knight smiles as he too cries tears joining her in her pain. he understands and sees parts of her she cannot see. he rises and approaches his own saber in his clip. he kneels down and wraps his arms around the young one as she cries her body wracking with sobs. she stiffens and her fist curls up yet she doesn't push him away. hating herself for it allows this connection to happen as some part of her longs for it. she continues to cry and sinks down into her mind. "im drowning." she thinks to herself as memories wash through her becoming too much to bear. the force grows unsteady around her and this pressure builds up within. she starts to panic and he whispers "i'm with you and i got you young one." ommiting grounding energies he calms her and watches her sift through her memories. she growls and yells "get out of my head Sith scum!" instantly feeling bad for it she curses herself for it. "it's okay i see past your defenses." he chuckles and stays there with her for what seems like hours. having cried tears for 3 hours the young-ling starts to feel sleep and stiffens again feeling vulnerable. "it's okay, your safe." she snorts in amusement yet sinks into a sleep state. the knight looks down at the sleeping sith and picks her up to go to his camp. he stokes the fire and sits on watch as she is curled up in blanket. "I will be with you always." he says and the girl smiles in her sleep at hearing his words. "how many times have i heard that one....i push em all away." crosses her mind as she sleeps and some part of her hopes it to be true. she dreams of a shining city and a man to whom sits in a meditation place with water. he smiles at her and she takes his hand. "i am the force and the force is with you always dear one." -end of first scene.
note from author: This is so fun to express and bring parts of myself out in this story. More to come soon in between Job applications and other stuff. I believe while i stand on my own i have found fellow students to whom have taught me things. I'm finally allowing myself to be open and vulnerable on a new level. See my defense mechanisms? As i stare at the dark i see myself reflected back at me. -may the force serve within you well on your journey. may your chains be broken and may you live your life the way you wish to.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2021 16:44:38 GMT -7
what stuck out to me in this video rap song i found, i am alone, i am strong because i can stand alone, only i can do my work. Sometimes people walk with me and allowance of them to come in then out is key. Never fully rely on another person except myself. I became what i once saw and catch future glimpses of what i aim to become. Me performing on a stage with a performer badge is me singing at music festivals. I get myself there as an independent artist. through all my pain, stumbles, failures i learn as those are few of my greatest teachers. I faced my death before and through dying then waking up i turned my life around. I am devouring what resources i can see on here and going towards what i resonate with discarding the rest. i hunger for more. as something deep within me awakens i stand tall loosing my shame, chains, and dis empowering weaker self. When i do leave i want to leave a warrior champion who could kick butt if i needed to. I want to die knowing i took steps and achieved my goals with the time i have here.
Today a storm brews and as i went outside to practice my ninjitsu hitting a tree i fed off that pain. if my past scarrs come out i use them as fuel and imagine how good it'll feel to get where i aim to be. If I all wrong it hurts more then it needs to. i use that pain as motivation to do better. i fall on hardwood floor not a padded mat. I reflect on how well i am doing and what i can do to become better. I get back up and avoid resting on my laurels more then i need to. I am a sadist to myself and learning to refine it so i don't fuck up myself again. I need more discipline. Sensei and I are long distance. I practice and learn virtually. Unsure if i may keep that forever because i like the idea of being closer. I may move over there yet right now with my current resources finding one here would be better. Need to consider this closely. Flying out to him was fun yet wish i had more time with him because i need a buddy to practice my grappling with. Currently don't have someone and seeking on where i am from to practice with. I feel conflict and for now I keep moving on with current Sensei. Indecision is also a killer so choice will be made soon.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2021 21:20:16 GMT -7
i did a set for pride month on my cosmic jedi channel to advertise my fan page. This was fun and got an offer to do a gig. It's a matinee show for 2 hours and is $100 dollars. I usually charge one hundred an hour yet this is new connection. So the next time it would pay more if they liked me. Two hours is a long time though and i had dreams of doing this when i was a little girl. I got booed and i refuse to entertain fear. I will decide on a date and practice my set consisting of originals and covers. I am recording my new album song by song.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2021 21:22:53 GMT -7
This is my music video i made for my song first shadow. The kid represented my inner child. I taught her a new move called the sacrum hang on the swings. Enjoy! Like and Subscribe for future content!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2021 3:40:31 GMT -7
I am Learning to play a new song on the piano. Put my own words in there as I express my past self. I feel depressed sometimes and I'm pretty jaded. My anxiety gets very bad at times and I try remain in control yet fail sometimes. I love myself. I'm not an island unfortunately and wish I was. I don't want to bleed on those who haven't cut me. I also have good boundaries and that's important to me.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2021 1:47:48 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2021 2:07:31 GMT -7
I'd suggest against letting people tell you who and what you are. It gets old and I got lost. My false self was born while my real self was forgotten. Caged and in chains she lies in a cave trapped by her own demons. They gnaw and tear at her wings. They cause suffering and infliction. I can't be like this anymore. I struggle and cry out for air while the world simply stared. I'm traumatized and I'm learning to regain my strength. So someday I can rise up on my own stronger then before.
The journey into the self is tough. Things get rough. To give a fuck and embrace the suck. To love myself and embrace myself. I want to erase myself and be reborn. I'm embarrassed and I'm on guard. Don't fucking hurt me. Everyone leaves so never promise me you won't leave. I know it's a lie. I'm jaded and parts of me faded. What once was rated is now underated. Am I Broken 💔 or stupid? I scream internally and I cry. I learned that my way is wrong. To go to the highway.
Hiding it inside this is my darkness and what hides under those tides. I've felt lowly. I have felt the shittiest. I've died over and over again. Now I rise and encourage you to do the same my friend.
May your chains be broken. May the words unspoken may they rise to be spoken. May the secrets that you hide come out instead of from where they slide. May you rise and emerge victorious. May the force within serve you well and may you learn to harness it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2021 11:54:24 GMT -7
I had so much fun fire spinning with some of my friends of the Oglala Lakota Tribe. We volunteered and got to spin fire while some of the tribe members sang songs/drummed. The energy was so beautiful and i met the white buffalo spirit. I miss them dearly. I love to fire spin because i feel so alive. I am mastering myself and my gifts. Fire is my element and it's so damn beautiful, wild, free, dangerous, revered, and respected by me. I fucking love how i get to dance with and be gifted with such a beautiful and powerful element.
I believe each of us has a flame that burns and I am learning to cultivate my flame. Each choice adds fuel to the flame yet put too much wood onto the fire, it'l sputter out. I'll drown it and choke the life out of my flame. If i put too much on I can grow volatile and can spiral out of control. I can also burn others and while i can do that i would rather be constructive if i have to burn someone.
Today i got my second covid shot and working on some jewelry collections for my site. My site is finished and now just uploading pics and making some listings so it has some stuff on it. Then release it to public and eeee i am so excited! I've never owned my own business before until now. I fist bump the air and tell myself good job. Then i keep going onto the next thing balancing all my actions. I don't want to burn out again and yet i don't want to lose time. I am travelling to japan hopefully in the fall hence why i got my vaccine. it is time sensitive and my thoughts were heck i've died so why not. I do not think this shot will hurt me. second day i felt a bit sore and third day i my arm was definitely sore obviously. It's due to a needle being stuck and moving the muscle around a bit when they inject me. I felt my energy swirl up immediately when i was injected. I am connected to my body and how it feels. I just don't listen to it until now. My choices are my own and it'll add fuel to my fire.
Free will is important and learning to have a strong sense of self is important. Otherwise you'd be like me or what i once was...drifting all over the place because i wasn't sure. I was told what i could and couldn't be. I was forced to live a life i didn't believe in and it hurt me. I wear my scarrs proudly and want to say just be you. Just do what you wish to do and may it empower you. If you want to to go college then get to it. If you don't and want to change professions find a way to do it. You got this and deep inside you know it. Live life on your own terms. i got the vacinne for me and not because it's being pressured on everyone. It isn't because i am deemed unhealthy and it isn't to make everyone else feel secure. security and safety are an expensive illusion to maintain.
acknowledge that the world is shit, evil, will take your money, time, energy, and your soul. I don't allow it to and nor am i captive to the system. i allow my connection to system and use it for my own gain. I am unafraid to defy it and i am my own individual. I have cultivated strength and will continue to. Peanut and uncle sam will always be whispering in your ear. Listen to your voice the most and those closest to you to whom you deem worthy to be heard. may they serve you! may your force within serve you!!! It is all about you and you were born to rise. THIS IS WAR!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2021 12:39:23 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2021 15:32:19 GMT -7
opening one eye quickly her breathing quickens as anxiety comes in. What am i doing here? Why am i here? I can't make sense of it all. I don't know. I can't. She curls up and hits herself with her own fists instead of others. I hate myself forever trapped. It's my fault. I deserved this abuse from others and carry it myself. Holds it all in and outside looks calm with her hair in her face so no one can see. Help...I can't do this alone. batting back tears she thinks hersef weak and stupid because she doesn't do it others way. Am i dumb? I was the girl who played with blocks and made art. I went out on my own and i felt so alone. I was seperate from my own family and locked in my room. Was i made this way? Do I keep myself this way or do i dare branch out? fuck fuck fuck. I'm hurting inside. abandonment. i'm alone. that's okay at least i can stand alone so i choose to be grateful for my strength i have. allows self to burst and cries tears externally now as she melts into the ground away from others. must allow myself to feel. cultivate my emotions and parts of myself i hid. that i hold back to appear normal. fear i can't cope with em.
my past. ardorous told me i keep bringing it with me. i don't disagree yet it also haunts me. now i go on my own again and am here now in the 7th incarnation or something of this place. still silent. i used to hate it and wanted interaction. Now i learned it's a self guided thing and there is just me. sometimes others say something helpful and that is why i put so much emphasis on learn to stand alone. only you can do the work. only you can truly know yourself and learn what you need to learn.
welcome to a view of my inner storms. sometimes they brew and got to keep one's cool. i observe self destructive tendencies, patterns, procrastination, and stepping aside when destructive duality wants to come in. no one understands me. being misunderstood. thoughts, emotions, memories do not define who you are. days that feel shitty and yet got to keep moving for life doesn't stop.
She starts to shiver and flinches as a gloved hand touches her right shoulder. eyes wide she looks up and see's revan there telling her to breathe. His voice so calm she does as told and slowly starts to relax. looking around she sees the destruction to the forest she caused and starts to cry again. "sorry." she whispers and continues to breathe while feeling sorry she hurt the force. "you hurt yourself and it's going to be okay." a voice whispers in her head and she hugs Revan who hugs her back petting her hair. "it's going to be alright young one." He assures her and he picks her up. They head towards his ship and leave the desolate planet. "You are stronger then you believe yourself to be and someday you will realize that my Apprentice." she listens and starts to feel sleepy again. "your weak from having to survive so rest well because when we arrive your training will begin." Revan says as she nods her head dropping as she falls back into the darkness.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2021 20:36:23 GMT -7
i had my gig today. was fun to perform and could do better. what i plan on is making audio files of my songs that i can sing to. i really enjoyed it other then that. just gets better and better from here.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2021 16:51:35 GMT -7
avoid listening to one's inner voices because they are full of shit. mind makes a horrible master. most of it isn't real.
*Opens her eyes and wakes up in a room to a bleeping on her wrist. "wake up, it's time to start your trial of fire and see what your made of." Revan's voice cuts out and she gets up out of the bed. A halo map appears on her wrist guiding her to the combat room with a yin yang floor. "Today I stand a warrior in training and will become a great one." she thinks to herself and steps forward focusing in as the door closes behind her. "I will push you past your limits and you will become great indeed." Revan replies smirking as his apprentice flares up "Stay out of my head." she growls. "Make me." he challenges pushing forward and starts to dominate her mind using her own thoughts against her. "your weak, ugly, stupid, and you will never succeed." causing her to step back and eyes widen as her memories come back. "Fight me! Push me back!" Revan roars and continues his onslaught and she tries to collect herself. "Observe what he is using and shut it off." a inner voice says from within causing the apprentice to flinch yet does so as she is starting to get a really migraine. "push back and visualize walls coming up with a affirmation of what you want to believe or do." the voice continues. The apprentice nods and closes her eyes observing while building walls. "Your too slow." Revan retorts more force against her and it cuts through her walls easily. They come back stronger as visualized and she uses his momentum of his attack to turn it back into his mind. "Good." Revan says and uses the force to make her feel claws ripping into her flesh. She arches her back and screams rage now building up within her. "Your lucky your not in the battle field otherwise you'd be first dead." Revan continues and goes in for a kick which she rolls to the side then rises up barely dodging as he connects to her side knocking her down again.
"Get up and fight." The voice inside hisses and she lies there staring numbly her body refusing to move. "Move damnit!" she hisses now out loud and her body rolls again as Revan's foot is right above her. She quickly gets up from her position and makes her walls stronger using an infinity sigil to keep it powered. Revan's onslaughts aren't as bad yet can be felt a little as he tries to get into her mind. Observing her own thoughts and what was able to be utilized as a weapon she rids herself of it. Fists go up in a fighting stance and she takes a weak stance which Revan takes advantage of with his fist coming to her jaw he swipes her front leg from under her knocking her to the ground again. She falls back on her butt and goes into an upper block as another strike is towards her head. "You are the captain of your own ship and if you cannot defend yourself then what good are you?" Revan challenges stepping back only once to allow her to get up. "I will not be lenient again Apprentice, block me or die." Revan says..... to be continued later.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2021 7:38:41 GMT -7
There's some emotions that can be powerful and there are some that can be disempowering. never bottle an emotion because it is like a fuse that is destined to break. As if you will learn to harness your emotion and be an empowered State when feeling emotion.
Anxiety can be an awareness that something's wrong. Fear can be a survival mechanism yet just like anything you have a duality to these emotions that can be very destructive. They will end up destroying you from within. Be careful apprentice.
Stress and anxiety attacks your body. These are telltale emotions that can lead to knowledge when looked within. However when they start becoming a permanent or often thing it can be very destructive towards your body. It can lower overall performance and you may not be at your best. Never got to sleep with stress or anxiety because you'll have trouble repairing yourself.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2021 16:36:16 GMT -7
What if movies were an extension of our humanity? What if horror movies captured the deepest and darkest depths of ourselves in which we fear. Where the infinite cosmos and wildest imagination makes things possible. Where one can defy nature and the gravity of things at times. I am an actress who aims to get into Marvel Movies and work with Disney in the Star Wars Movies as an actress. My dream role would be black panther female version and a sith or grey jedi in the Star Wars Films. I have been a Trekkie fan for awhile now and my favorite actor is Patrick Stewart aka Picard who also plays Professor X from The X-men.
"There are no accidents." Master Oogway from disney's Kung Fu Panda. This sentence speaks volume and i believe we are all connected to the force. The connection between Science, the Sci-Fi world, and our minds are very feasible. These mental landscapes came from within and they come from our minds. This creation must have had to come from some sort of inspiration and understanding. where exactly this comes from is something i aim to continue to explore because our mind shapes our reality. Science is an outlet to share those discoveries with out world and learn from them. The exploration and growth never stops because we are always in constant motion. There is some sort of new factor coming into play and like a child i get to discover more about these ties to our humanity. I have become mindful over my time and will continue to self develop. The more i grow the more i am inspired to share this with my world. We all have greatness within and if i could say something to you all right now "Never hide your light and brilliance because you are someone unique. You are one of a kind and we all have something to offer. Our individuality is what makes us humans and never let the inner battles or demons take that away from you." -Tsukiyomi-Chan
Mindfulness is the awareness and ability to live in the present moment. There is a lot of other superpowers that are grounded in reality that can be found when you look within the self. It may be hard at times yet it embrace the suck because it's very rewarding. Remember emotion is temporary and circumstances are temporary. As we continue to rise out from Covid-19 I encourage you to look within and pick the authentic direction that you really want to go in. This past year and a half was a time for consideration after halting my life. I got to look at it hard and under scrutiny i discovered a lot of things about myself. Time and even we are temporary. All paths eventually lead to Memento Mori so how you going to live your life? I will live mine becoming the best that i can be and taking steps towards my goals/dreams. I do not fear death and my will shall continue to carry me until i say stop. I encourage you to step back into the now and live in the present. There is so much opportunity and chances for what you thought you could never do. mindfulness self exploration: If something strikes a reaction from you when watching your favorite show, ask yourself what do i feel? Take time if your unsure because it's okay to be in the unknown. Explore your mind and know when you seek you can find answers. You can discover things about yourself that you never knew. It feels empowering and both petrifying at times. I felt quite heartbroken, sad, excited, curious, and more. Our complexity is layered and if i can do this so can you. That feeling i get like i could do anything after watching an episode of Star Trek is a message that i can really do anything i put my mind to. I became realistic and i am my own hero. I am the captain of my own ship and i believe what actions we take do affect those around us as much as we do ourselves. I cannot control my world yet i can control my reactions. Are you ready to become a Master and Captain of your own destiny and take the wheel of the drivers seat? Who are you and what do you want to do with your time here? "Just because someone loses their way doesn't mean they cannot be saved." Professor X aka Patrick Stewart. If your living a lie it's time to live the truth and know when you do it could have the potential to rock your world. I know it did mine and so dear travelers as our time comes to a close I wish you the best on your journeys from one Trekkie to another.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2021 15:26:26 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2021 23:39:59 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2021 19:20:01 GMT -7
teheheh i love to howl. wolf spirit here. imagine me with a huskyyyyy! so adorableeeeeeeeee!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2021 19:26:58 GMT -7
so i am investing in some dj equipment after an experience from one who let me play on his. passion flows through me and the inability to let or express my energy is self blocking my qi flow i feel like. just builds up and rusts then gets yucky feeling. plus being a dj is something i always wanted to do so after i buy i can practice. got to order a controller and ipad to which i will use my software. Dj serato is cool. There is this one controller that is 2,000 dollars and is an all in one controller. no ipad is needed and uses rekord box. I learned on the big all in one controller and am unsure which one i want to use. *shakes de booty to music and waves paws around* awroooooo! sooner or wait later with two screens instead of one is my choice. i do not want to wait yet am spoiled. either way i can learn yet leaning towards the more expensive one do to the easier nature of it being all in one.
been watching videos of live looping and it's something i aim to get into. awrooooooo!
omg listen to dis one. *wags tail and starts to tear up* yah i literally cry and emotion swells within me. so yah anyways look out world Dj Tsukiyomi is in the making.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2021 17:11:01 GMT -7
|
|